When and How to Have a Conversation with Someone You Suspect Might be Autistic/ADHD

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Jul 31

Many AuDHDers experience the strong urge to share information or strategies they have learned about their own identity with others (info dumping is our love language). We may even become talented in identifying potential Autistic or ADHD traits in others before they recognize it in themselves!

It is important to be mindful of respecting others’ personal boundaries, even if our intentions are to help or connect with another.

Someone may not have the mental or emotional capacity at the time to be open or ready to hear this information about themselves. It’s important to allow others the agency and autonomy to do their own self investigation and discovery.
It can be helpful to begin disclosing your own traits or identity around others! This can help to spread awareness, understanding, and reduce negative stigma surrounding Autism and ADHD.
If someone is relaying an experience or traits that you are familiar with, approach with the mindset of relating to their experience! For example, “Oh! I also get overwhelmed in noisy places! It’s my Autistic sound sensitivity.”
Once trust and rapport is built with someone, it can be easier to establish yourself as a resource to them, especially if they are expressing struggles that you may suspect are related to Autism or ADHD.
Always approach with curiosity and compassion in these discussions. People may experience the internal struggle with internalized ableism or big emotions with questions/information regarding their identity and may project these onto us.

A good social rule to note is that we shouldn’t offer up our opinions or thoughts to strangers. Although the intentions may be to connect with another person, it’s best to first establish a relationship with that person before immediately asking if Autistic/ADHD or pointing out traits. This unsolicited encounter can make someone feel very uncomfortable.

Also, self reflect on why you feel the need to suggest to someone else they may be Autistic/ADHD. Sometimes we may be passionate to help others in an attempt to process through our own inner emotions and grief from our journey.