Being Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
We are often confronted with situations that we perceive as a threat to our autonomy. Even if it does not cross into being a pathology or pervasive, as in PDA.
confronting behaviors/ setting healthy boundaries
changing plans / disrupted routines
We may also feel deeply uncomfortable in unfamiliar situations like:
deep conversations
strong emotional experiences
trying new things
showing vulnerability
Anxiety or discomfort with the unknown is common, but can be more impactful for Autistic or ADHD folks. It is still possible for you to develop a comfort or, at least, tolerance of the unknown. Remember that it isn't really possible to change or grow without some level of discomfort.
First it is important to notice when you are starting to feel the signs of impending meltdown or shutdown so you can start to implement a strategy.
Try practicing breaking routine/structure in small ways when you have time to practice regulating when there’s less pressure.
Role play with trusted others, or create mock scenarios with yourself to practice having the tools and language to navigate an uncomfortable situation without the stress of it being real.
Sometimes asking for help can leave us feeling vulnerable.
Knowing when we even need help can sometimes be a challenge, but acknowledging it is the first step.
Some of the discomfort might stem from the fact that we haven't practiced communicating our feelings.
Besides role playing situations, another way to lean on friends is to ask a trusted person: "How would you ask for help in this scenario?"
We may also be uncomfortable asking for help because we are projecting our own tendencies to people-please on others. Build trust in people's autonomy and that they will tell you 'No' if they don't have the capacity to help you.
Many people say, "Don't let it bother you." or some other advice that often doesn't feel helpful. This is often said to be the definition of radical acceptance, and we can still apply that in some situations and especially when accepting things about ourselves, but you can acknowledge the stressor and still find a way to move forward.
There are alternative ways to stop in the moment and start process through and regulate when we feel uncomfortable in a situation.
Ask – "What can I do to make this situation more manageable for myself?"
Ask "Am I taking something about this personally that I should try to detach from and look at more objectively?"
In any case, trying to find an opportunity to distance yourself from the stressor is a good start. Get a safe space where you can use sensory or other strategies to regulate and assess from there.
Resources
Contributors: Kaitlyn, Kathaniel, Nik, Vida