The Many Faces of Shame and Guilt
Autistic or ADHDers often report high levels of shame and guilt related to their specific traits, challenges, or other ways their neurodivergence can impact their lives in a negative way.
Become aware and recognize your signs of internalized ableism.
Do you often compare your abilities to others in your life, especially neurotypicals?
Are you often thinking, “I should …xyz” or “I shouldn't have to…xyz'' because that was the expectation that was taught?
Ask yourself… who’s expectation or “rule” is this?
When and where did these thoughts first develop? Our inner thoughts typically reflect what we have been told from others or during our lived experiences growing up.
Don’t attribute to malice what can be attributed to ignorance.
Most people are uneducated or uninformed on the nuanced lived experiences of being Autistic, ADHD, or both!
Conserve the amount of energy you spend educating and providing explanations to others, especially if they aren’t putting in effort to understand and are still placing unrealistic expectations on you.
You know you best. Try not to allow people pleasing tendencies or imposter syndrome push you into self-shaming thoughts.
Reconsider the urge to be overly apologetic. AuDHDers tend to be overly apologetic to compensate for their traits that may impact others. It’s important to remember apologies are only truly needed if harm was done onto another. Develop an internal voice that echoes this.
Dysregulated behaviors or actions are common experiences. While you are still accountable for your words or actions that happen during a meltdown or shutdown, you don’t have to feel shame for that being a part of you. Dysregulation is not a choice, but a state of survival mode that our brains force us into.
Affirmations for self acceptance to remember:
You are enough and entitled to self-care
You are allowed to take up space
You do not need to apologize for simply existing
Challenges are opportunities to grow and learn
You have the right to walk away from people or situations that do not support your mental health
It is not up to you to re-write how others may perceive you
Resources:
Positive affirmations for Neurodivergents: https://play-spark.com/products/affirmations-for-self-acceptance
Unlearning Shame: How We Can Reject Self-Blame Culture and Reclaim Our Power by Dr Devon Price
Contributors: Kaitlyn, Kathaniel, Nik