Taking Accountability is Not Blame: Reason vs Excuse
There is a crucial distinction between accountability and blame. This is especially important for us neurodivergent folks navigating life with ADHD or Autism.
Accountability is about recognizing the impact of our actions and doing what we can to mitigate any negative effects or make amends. It’s not about blame or self-condemnation. When we explain the reasons behind our actions, it's a bid for compassion and understanding, not an excuse. If someone dismisses your explanation as just an excuse, let them know how that makes you feel. Does it feel dismissive of your struggles and invalidating of your experiences? It’s important to express this.
There are so many incredible content creators and advocates who share easily digestible media that conveys the experiences of Autism and ADHD in relatable ways. Leveraging these resources can help bridge the understanding gap and demonstrate that our explanations are rooted in a desire for empathy and not in shirking responsibility.
Remember, our primary responsibility is to understand ourselves. While it’s beneficial to help others understand us, it’s not our duty to force this understanding upon them. Pay attention to the effort people put into understanding you—this can be very telling about who deserves your time and energy.
ADHD and Autism can lead to actions or outcomes that need explanation. This is not an excuse; it’s an acknowledgment of our realities. Using these reasons is about fostering understanding, not avoiding responsibility. Accommodations are a right, not a privilege, and it’s unfair to hold everyone to the same standard without considering individual challenges.
If you're not feeling at your best, proactively communicating this to others and adjusting expectations can be incredibly helpful. You deserve grace and understanding. Part of accountability is acknowledging the impact of your actions and offering actionable steps for the future.
There’s always a reason behind our actions, but we shouldn’t use these reasons as excuses. When we explain our reasons, we’re trying to foster understanding, not avoid responsibility. Advocate for yourself by clarifying this distinction. If someone consistently fails to understand you despite your efforts, it might be time to reconsider the value of that relationship.
Effective communication is key. Instead of withdrawing, advocate for your preferred communication methods—whether that’s via email, phone, or another medium. Remind others that fairness means being equitable, not treating everyone exactly the same. This nuanced understanding is crucial in fostering a compassionate and supportive environment.
In essence, taking accountability means understanding and addressing the impact of our actions while advocating for the empathy and accommodations we need. It’s about balancing the explanation of our behaviors with the responsibility for their outcomes.
You deserve to be understood and to receive the grace you extend to others. Let’s continue advocating for ourselves and fostering environments where we and others can thrive.
Keep advocating for yourself, stay strong, and remember—you are not alone in this journey.
Resources:
Job Accommodations to request: https://askjan.org/a-to-z.cfm
Contributors: Kaitlyn, Kathaniel, Nik